Out of the Window
by unspeakable49
Summary: A doe. A stag. A perfect match for a stag. A perfect match for a doe. Lily. James. Soulmates.


**A/N: My first one-shot. It hasn't been beta-ed, but I'm still happy with it.**

* * *

James cursed as the wisp disappeared yet again. After trying endlessly to cast a corporeal Patronus for the past few weeks, it was disappointing that he had still made minimal progress. He had still yet to get past a vague stag-like shape - and that too only looked like stag because he knew that was its shape. To any other spectator it would simply look like silvery cloud.

He sighed, kicking the snow with his feet, before sitting down and staring out at the Black Lake. Charms had never been his strong subject, but this sense of failure had never consumed him before.

Of course Lily had been the first one to produce a fully corporeal Patronus from their class. James smiled softly as he remembered the form it had taken.

A doe. It was a perfect representation of Lily's personality - not to mention the perfect match for a stag.

_Soul mates._

James laughed bitterly to himself. What was the use of matching Patronuses when the girl in question refused to even consider giving a relationship with him a chance?

James may not have declared his love for Lily in the best of ways, but no matter what he did truly love her.

He loved the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. He loved the way she bit her lip when she was unsure about herself. He loved the way she curled up in an armchair to read, after completing her homework each night. Or the way even her hair seemed to crackle when she lost her temper, whether it was at him or at the Slytherins.

James sighed wistfully. Lily would never think he was good enough. She had made that much clear.

Friends. She had wanted to become friends, after he had finally given up chasing after her for years.

"Friends, James," she had said tentatively, offering her tiny, feminine hand as she smiled brightly at him. He had forced a smile in return, and reluctantly shaken her hand, even as his head screamed, No. James Potter, you do not want to be friends with her. Don't do this to yourself.

Because he knew that it would only deepen the wounds. Being so close to her every day - laughing with her, talking to her, smiling at her - yet never being close enough, and certainly not the way he wanted. But when it came to Lily, he could never say no. He couldn't resist seeing that lovely smile light up her face, or hearing the laugh that was just so unique and so _Lily_.

He lay back on the snow-covered ground, staring at the starry sky.

"Hello James," a very familiar voice broke through his thoughts.

He shot up, surprised at the sudden interruption. "Evans," he acknowledged, taking in the very girl he had just been thinking about.

"Mind if I sit down with you?" she asked.

"Not at all," he gestured, as she flopped down next to him. He lay back down, closing his eyes this time.  
If only he could pretend they were sitting together and staring at the skies under completely different circumstances. But he had promised himself he wouldn't do this. He wouldn't continue this self-inflicted torture. Lily had made her feelings perfectly clear, and there was no reason to continue pestering her.

"What are you think about?" Lily asked softly.

"You," James replied honestly, smiling softly with his eyes still closed.

Lily stared at him for a second, trying to figure out if he was being serious, until he opened his eyes a crack and smiled wider.

"I'm serious, but don't worry, I won't start pouring out declarations of love for you again," he said, before closing his eyes once again.

Lily swallowed, not sure if he had been trying to reassure her or make her feel guilty enough to agree to go to Hogsmeade with him. Until last year, she would have been sure that he was only trying to make her agree to a pity date, but now she wasn't too sure.

James had changed. No, not changed. _Grown up_.

He wasn't a careless boy without a worry in the world anymore. He was a man, who now understood the consequences of his actions.

His parents died just months ago, she reminded herself. That would be enough to change anyone.

She wouldn't mind dating James now. He was funny and charming. He was romantic - the poems and gifts he had sent her in the previous years were evidence enough of that. And he wasn't an immature git anymore.

But now it seemed that he had resolved to move on. Even though Remus had assured her that James hadn't been half as successful as he had wanted to. It hadn't comforted Lily too much though. Ever since third year, James Potter had claimed to be in love with her. Even when she had rejected him in the harshest of ways, he had always bounced back and continued to try to woo her, without injury. But now - but now James didn't _want_ to love her. For her to ask for another chance after the millions he had given her - it just wouldn't be fair on him.

He had finally broken, she realised.

She looked over to him longingly; as she thought about the final and most violent blow she had delivered at the end of last year.

* * *

Lily looked over to where Potter was sitting with his head settled on his arms.

"Not going to ask me out today, are you Potter? Finally! I've been looking forward to this since third year," she said harshly, as she and Marlene walked up to his seat in the Great Hall, unable to resist the urge to say something - _anything_ - that would snap Potter out of this emotionless state. Really, he had been too quiet, too miserable, since the news of his parents' deaths. And a quiet Potter was just too unnatural.

"Shut up, Evans. He doesn't need this right now," Black growled back.

"Be quiet, Sirius," James said quietly, lifting his head. His eyes met hers.

Lily cringed as the thoughtlessness of her words hit her, as Potter looked up at her. His eyes were hollow, nothing like the hazel eyes that always glittered with mischief from behind his glasses. He had dark coloured bags forming under his eyes, a clear indication of long sleepless nights.

James laughed bitterly, as Black looked at him with concern and then at Lily in anger. "No, Evans, I will not ask you out. Even though you are one of the most important people in my life, believe it or not, a jerk like me does care about his parents. And right now, they are more important to me. Because unlike you, they returned the love I felt for them," he directed a look of deep sadness at her; one that made her reel at the amount of emotion it contained. "I think you've made your feelings for me pretty clear, Lily. I just don't feel up for another rejection today. I'm a natural-born chaser, Evans - it's in my blood. But every chaser's got to stop some time. I think it's the end of my chase," he gave her small, sad smile before getting up from the bench and walking straight out of the Great Hall.

Lily felt disgusted with herself as she faced the looks on the faces of the remaining three Marauders.

"Aren't you going to go after him," Marlene asked Black pointedly.

Black shrugged. "He just needs to be alone for now. Maybe later. Now go away, Evans, before I let my emotions get the best of me, and hex you bad."

Lily gave him a half-hearted glare, before she walked away quickly.

"That was low," Marlene muttered, but Lily just ignored her as the guilt, and another emotion she couldn't place, gnawed away at her stomach.

* * *

"Lily," James said, looking at her curiously. She could tell he knew she had spaced out for a while.

"Sorry," she apologised, shaking her head. She laid down on the ground next to him. "I was just thinking about last year."

James made an understanding sound.

"You know," she started, "I don't think I ever apologised to you properly for what I said back then. After your parents died -"

"Lily," he cut her off. "Honestly, it's alright," he smiled. "Let's just forget about it, yeah?"

She nodded, still feeling guilty.

James seemed to sense her feelings though, as he smiled at her again. She silently cursed the fluttering in her stomach.

"So why did you come outside in the first place?" she asked, trying to ignore the butterflies, as she turned her head to face him.

His smile fell abruptly, as the sense of failure crept up onto him again. He could feel Lily tense up next to him. "Did I say something wrong," she asked hesitantly.

"No not at all. I was just -" he sighed, breaking off. He didn't want Lily to pity him, like he knew she would if he admitted that he didn't have a memory that was happy enough to create a fully fledged Patronus. "I was just trying to get the Patronus Charm right."

"You're still having trouble with that," she remarked sympathetically, her hand creeping up to touch his. His heart beat violently as he felt a tingling sensation go up his arm. "Maybe I can help," she offered.

You can kiss me! That'll create a memory that's happy enough, he wanted to scream, but he bit back his emotions and simply thanked her for offering.

"No really," Lily insisted.

James closed his eyes, too tired to argue and tell her that he was done for today. He pulled out his wand, as he searched through his memories. He finally decided that this was the only happy memory he hadn't yet tried the charm with. It was also the most recent one he had.

Concentrating on the feeling of Lily lying beside him on the snow, and the electric shock that had rushed up his arm as she had touched his hand, he quietly muttered the incantation.

And just like that, he knew he had done it. He smiled with his eyes still closed.

Lily gasped as a stag galloped out of James's wand. A stag. It was just so befitting for James's Patronus to take this shape, and at the same time it was a perfect match to her doe.

She looked at James in wonder. Could he have been right all those years? Did he truly love her? She had never really believed his dramatic declarations of love, but their Patronuses certainly seemed to suggest they were soul mates.

"It was a stag," she told him in a slightly choked voice. His eyes were still closed, and his lips were turned upwards in a beautiful and genuine smile. She couldn't imagine why he hadn't opened his eyes yet. Didn't he want to see his first ever corporeal Patronus?

"I know," he murmured, finally opening his eyes to look back at her.

She couldn't really think of anything to say, so she sat up, blushing in the moonlight. He sat up next to her.

"James," she said, before quickly pressing her lips to his. His eyes opened wide in shock, but by the time he registered what was happening, she had already pulled away.

"Sorry," she mumbled, turning an even brighter shade of red. "I just -" she broke of embarrassed.

James sat there trying to come to terms with what had just occurred, before snapping back to his senses.

"Hey, hey, hey Lils. You don't have to apologise. You can kiss me any time you like," he said lightly, winking at her. His heart beat wildly as his pulse quickened.

She laughed nervously. "It's just that, you don't even like me anymore. You're not my chaser anymore, you know," she said, looking away.

"Lily. Lily, look at me."

She turned her head towards him reluctantly, still not meeting his eyes.

"My eyes, Lily," he instructed patiently. "Lily, I'll always love you. And any time you decide you want me to start chasing after you again, I'll be happy to do that," he said, smiling warmly at her.

Lily looked at him disbelieving, yet hopeful. "Really?"

"Really."

She threw her arms around him, as she hugged him happily, before attacking his lips with hers once again, in a not-so-chaste kiss this time. James laughed into the kiss, not believing his luck.

"Guess he didn't need us coming out looking for him after all," Sirius laughed, as they approached the pair. "Thanks for dragging us out into the cold winter night, Moony."

James pulled out of the kiss to grin at his friends.

"What happened to 'I'm over her'," Sirius teased, sitting down next to them.

Lily blushed, as they were joined by the rest of the Marauders. Remus grinned knowingly at her, and mouthed, "About bloody time."

"It all went out of the window, Padfoot," James said, smiling lovingly at Lily, who blushed harder under his intense gaze. "It all went out of the window."

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**Please leave a review, but no flames! Constructive critisism and advice is appreciated.**

**Check out my other story if you have time. It's called _Letters to Ourselves. _:)**

**-Sana**


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